Right after that sombre post about addiction - let's move on to something more CHEERFUL!
MYC! is giving away "What's Your Number' in-season double movie passes (each ticket admits 2!) that opens 13th October all across Malaysia.
All you have to do, is tell us the FUNNIEST, MOST MEMORABLE joke you know.
The funniest 5 will win! (but keep the jokes tasteful, and non-offensive)
You have until 6pm tomorrow (29th September) to send in your entries!
Example:
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
*Remember, get your friends to join cause there won't be any winners until we receive at least 20 entries from different people!!*
Office vs Prison
ReplyDeleteIN PRISON...you spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.
AT WORK...you spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.
IN PRISON...you get three meals a day.
AT WORK...you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.
IN PRISON...you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK...you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
IN PRISON...a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK...you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.
IN PRISON...you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK...you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON...you get your own toilet.
AT WORK...you have to share.
IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK...you cannot even speak to your family and friends.
IN PRISON...all expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required
AT WORK...you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.
IN PRISON...you spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out.
AT WORK...you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.
IN PRISON...there are wardens who are often sadistic.
AT WORK...they are called managers.
A naive young lady goes to the doctor, complaining of insomnia. Being a good doctor like he is, he tries to suggest some non-drug related methods.
ReplyDelete"Miss, have you tried listening to soft music?"
"Yes."
"How about counting sheep?
".....No."
"Well that settles it, then. Try and count up to 1000 sheep before you go to bed tonight, if it doesn't work, come and see me tomorrow."
The next day, the doctor was surprised to see the lady at his office.
"I'm sorry, doctor, it just didn't work for me,"
"Did you try what I suggested to you?"
"Yes, I did. But when I got to sheep number 235, I was feeling sleepy, so I got up, drank a mug of coffee, and resumed counting."
There was an old friend of mine who was in 7months pregnant visited us today. Me and my husband introduce her as Auntie Jane to our 2years old daughter.
ReplyDeleteDaddy : Look Clare, you will become a big sister to Auntie Jane's baby. (Pointer at Jane's tummy)
Clare : Daddy, if auntie Jane's baby naughty?
(Looking at Jane will a blur face)
Daddy : Why you said like that?
Clare : Because if the baby is good, why auntie Jane eat the baby?
All are silent as they don't know what to answer.
A doctor and an engineer wanted to date a pretty girl down the street. They think of a lot ways in order to get the girl's attraction.
ReplyDeleteAs the doctor was quite rich, he bought a bunch of 99 roses, chocolates and booked a 5 stars restaurant for the girl.
For the engineer, he think very hard.. and finally he decided to give the girl an apple..
The girl was puzzled, and she asked for a reason.
The engineer blushed and said: " I thought an apple a day, could keeps the doctor away.."
Zubaidah run as fast as she can to tell her grandma that her Grandpa was died at the hospital...
ReplyDeleteWhen she arrived at her grandma's home, she told to her grandma about the bad news..
Her grandma was so sad but at the same time she ask to borrow Zubaidah's handphone...
" Bedah, may i borrow your handphone, dear?" said grandma.
" Yes Granny, but who' s you wanna call? I've already text to everybody about this news..." said Zubaidah Harun Salim Bachik (Her fullname..hehe)
"Can i open 'FACEBOOK' via your phone dear??" asked her grandma..
"Absolutely granny...why granny??? Said Zubaidah..
" I want to change my status from 'MARRIED' to 'SINGLE' at Facebook..." said Grandma...
"Gluuurpp...." -Zubaidah Harun Salim Bachik..:p
At a wine merchant's, the regular taster died and the director started to look for a new one to hire.
ReplyDeleteA drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position. The director of the factory wondered how to send him away.
They gave him a glass to drink. He tried it and said, "It's a Muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade but acceptable."
"That's correct", said the boss.
Another glass...
"It's a Cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees. Requires three more years for finest results..."
"Correct."
The third glass....
"It's a pinot blanc champagne, high grade and exclusive" calmly said the drunk.
The director was astonished. He winked at his secretary to suggest something. She left the room and came back in with a glass of urine.
The alcoholic tried it.
"It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant and if you don't give me the job, I'll name the father."
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ReplyDeleteWhen the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be the boss.
ReplyDeleteThe brain said, "since I control everything and do all the thinking, I
should be the boss."
The feet said, "since I carry man where he wants to go and get him in
position to do what the brain wants, then I should be the boss."
The hands said, "since I must do all the work and earn all the money
to keep the rest of you going, I should be the boss."
And so it went with the eyes, the heart, the lungs, and all the other
parts of the body, each giving the reason why they should be the
boss.
Finally, the a*hole spoke up and said it was going to be the boss.
All the other parts laughed and laughed at the idea of the
a*hole being the boss. The a*hole got so angry that he blocked
himself off and refused to function.
Soon the brain was feverish and could barely think, the feet felt
like lead weights and was almost too weak to drag the body anywhere,
the eyes grew bleary, and the hands hung useless at the sides. All
pleaded with the brain to let the a*hole be declared the boss.
And so it happened; all the other parts did all the work and the
a*hole just bossed and passed out a lot of shit.
THE MORAL: You don't have to be a brain to be a boss, just an old
a*hole.
Alternate moral: No matter how well things are going, it can all be
shut down by a single a*hole.
The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, “I have great news for you.
ReplyDeletePretty soon, we’re going to be three in this house instead of two.”
Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes.
He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said, “I’m glad that you feel this way since tomorrow morning, my mother moves in with us.”
there are two bestfiends, the Ice-Cream and the Cone who always lived for each other until they had a quarrel. They fight in order to prove who's important than who. The Cone said 'if there's no me then nobody could support you'. The Ice-Cream then fight back 'If there's no me then nobody would create you! Dummy!'. Throwing his last fit, the Cone then condemn his so called bestfriend by saying 'You're the ugliest creation ever, when you melts you look funny and dirty!'. It hurts Ice-Cream so much and he then surrender... You know what he said???
ReplyDelete'You hurts my fillings, Cone!'.
You get it??? FILLINGS??? :D
ps: Pun intended~
A local joke i got from my friends:
ReplyDeleteNATIONAL EXCUSE FOR HAIR LOSS:
Ajinomoto
NATIONAL INSTANT FOOD :
Maggi Mee
NATIONAL BREAKFAST :
Nasi Lemak
NATIONAL LUNCH :
Nasi Ayam
NATIONAL SUPPER :
Roti Canai & Teh Tarik
NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR BEING LATE:
Traffic Jam
NATIONAL FRUIT FOR INDUCING MENSTRUATION :
Pineapple
NATIONAL APHRODISIAC DRINK:
Stout. Many Malaysian men swear by it. But then after a few pints they start swearing at everything.. .
NATIONAL FAKE ILLNESS FOR GETTING MC (MEN):
Food Poisoning
NATIONAL FAKE ILLNESS FOR GETTING MC (WOMEN):
Menstrual Pain
NATIONAL CURE FOR DIARRHOEA :
Cap Kaki Tiga.
NATIONAL CURE FOR HEADACHES:
Panadol.
NATIONAL CURE FOR DIZZINESS:
Minyak Angin Cap Kapak.
NATIONAL CAUSE OF DIZZINESS (FOR YUPPIES):
Happy Hours.
NATIONAL INSTANT CURE FOR DIZZINESS (FOR YUPPIES):
The sight of a police road block.
NATIONAL RICE COOKER :
NATIONAL Rice Cooker
NATIONAL RUBBISH DUMP:
Anywhere, as long as it is not your house.
NATIONAL MOST MIS-PRONOUNCED NAME:
Carrefour.
NATIONAL ANSWER FOR 'WHERE ARE YOU?'
on the way.
NATIONAL OFFICIAL TIME FOR BEING LATE
-10 minutes
NATIONAL REASON FOR PRICE INCREASE
Petrol naik
NATIONAL REASON FOR PETROL INCREASE
Still cheaper than other country
NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR CAUSING TRAFFIC JAM:
There was accident on the other side of the road
NATIONAL REASON WHEN REJECTING INVITATION :
'I got some work to do..u all go first'
NATIONAL REASON FOR COLLAPSED BUILDINGS & LEAKY PARLIAMENT ROOFS:
An act of God.
NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR IRRESPONSIBLE POLITICAL STATEMENTS:
None. We were misquoted.
NATIONAL MINISTERIAL REASON FOR INCREASING TOLL RATES:
Lu ingat ini jalan saya punya bapak punya kah?
NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR JUMPING QUEUE:
everybody jumping what!
NATIONAL EXCUSE NOT PAYING SAMAN ACCORDING TO DUE DATE:
government will give discount one of these days
NATIONAL EXCUSE TO BRIBE:
minum kopi
Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."
ReplyDeleteOne boy: When my grandfather died he left 10 million dollars.
ReplyDeleteSecond boy: When my grandfather died he left 20 million dollars.
Third boy: That’s nothing, When my grandfather died he left the whole world.
Teacher: "Johnny, can you tell me the name of 3 great kings who have brought happiness and peace into people's lives?"
ReplyDeleteLittle Johnny: Drin-king, smo-king, and fuc-king.
Girls are like an internet virus:
ReplyDeleteThey enter your life,
Scan your pockets,
...
Transfer your money,
Edit your mind,
Download their problems and
Delete your smile
So please download the software SayNoToGirls.EXE to save your life otherwise the hardisk of your heart may crash.
A baby was born with the ability to talk.
ReplyDeleteThe first thing he said when he was born was, "Are you my mom?"
"Why, yes!" his mother said. "I am!"
"Well," the baby said, "I wanted to thank you for taking such good care of me before I was born." Then he looks around the room and says, "Are you my doctor?"
"Yes, I am!" says the doctor.
"Well, I just wanted to thank you," says the baby, "for taking such good care of me during the delivery."
"You're very welcome," says the doctor.
The baby looks around the room and says, "Hey, are you my father?"
Overcome with pride, his dad says, "Yes, I am!"
The baby says, "Come here for a minute. I want to show you something. Bend down." The father complies, and the baby starts poking him in the forehead. "How does that feel?! Hurts, doesn't it?"
Son: I need a new phone.
ReplyDeleteMom: I just got you a new phone.
Son: I accidentally broke it.
Mom: Do you think i'm just made of money?
Son: Isn't that what M.O.M stands for?
A 5-year old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. While playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting furniture, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend?"
ReplyDeleteGrandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can set in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so good.
The comedies make me laugh. I'm so happy with my TV as my boyfriend." Grandma turned on the TV and the picture was horrible. She started adjusting the knobs trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting on the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem. The little boy heard the doorbell ring so he hurried to open the door.
When he opened the door, there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, "Hello son is your grandma home?"
The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."
Bruno Mars: I wanna be a billionaire so freaking bad
ReplyDeleteGirl: Yeah, me too. I need new clothes
Bruno Mars: No you don't. 'Cause girl you're amazing just the way you are
Girl: Really? You're like the only one who thinks that. Will you marry me
Bruno Mars: No, but i'll catch a grenade for ya
... Girl: Really? Even today
*Girl gets hit by Grenade*
Bruno Mars: Today, i don't feel like doing anything........
Three friends were out in the jungle hunting for animals for food. Suddenly they were caught by human eating people (cannibals). The cannibals brought the three of them to their king.
ReplyDeleteThe king said : I will let you people survive, but you all must complete the task given.
Bring 40 fruits of the same kind to me and come back here for the final task.
The 3 of them went out to the jungle and search for their own fruits.
One of them came back with 40 rambutans.
The king asked him to put all of it in his a**hole without laughing and he will be freed.
Upon putting just a few of it, he starts laughing from the hairy rambutan. He was killed and eaten.
The 2nd person then returns with 40 grapes.
He starts putting in …36…37…arghhh…38…39, and suddenly he started to laugh. He was killed and eaten.
In heaven, God asked the 2nd person why he laughed as he only needs to put in 1 more grape to survive.
The 2nd person answered, “ I saw my other friend just came back waving at me happily while dragging 40 durians”.
You must be waiting for the result...yea, we're going to announce the winner!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations!!
So the winners are: *drum rolllll*
1, Merlyn Hasshim
2, Lianne
3, Tan Yen Hoong
4, Kina
5, Prakash
Please email your personal details (Name, Phone Number and Email Address) to eileen@myc.com.my Thank you!
For all the participants, you guys really did a good job! Try harder and visit MYC! blog more often!Thanks for joining!
thanx alot....:)
ReplyDeletethis is my email 89.sakku@gmail.com
Cool.been promoting everyone in FB to join this.will e mail tomorrow, off to bed.
ReplyDelete