A Guide to Surviving Horror Movies, Pt. 2

As you're bound to realize, ladies and gentlemen, the previous post was done in quite a hurry, so what you have is, sadly, an incomplete list. A jumble of useless advice about horror movies have been racing top-speed in and out of my head lately, and I'm just itching to put them down. So bear with me as we revisit this, all right?

• It's late at night (cue the howling wind and thunder and lightning) and if your dog suddenly starts howling for no reason, don't say "what's the matter, girl? Wanna go out?" Tragic accidents are bound to happen during stormy nights.
• When you're trap in an old house, stay away from the basement or the attic. Better still, just get out of the house.
• If your friend suddenly begin to develop a fascination for blood or become increasingly hairy, get away from them as soon as possible. At this point, the saying 'friendship forever' no longer applies.



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• Anniversary nights of terrifying rituals/horrible murders/tragic accidents should be regarded with fear. Never try to throw a party in the victim's honour, even if your intentions are good.

• Closets are never a good place to hide. Under the bed or in the bathroom aren't really the best ideas either.
• If anything besides water (read: black goo, foul liquid) ever comes out of the tap, calling the plumber would be rather pointless. Just vacate the house.
• Take heed of warning from young children and animals. They usually know more than you do. If your child or pet starts exhibiting odd behavior (crying or barking for no reason), just run already.
• Never attempt to bring your dearly beloved, recently departed cat or any family member back to life. 
• Don't stop in small towns with only one pump at the gas station.
• If you hear weird noises coming from under your bed, curb that curiosity, do yourself a favour and don't look under the bed.
• Never trust the exorcist when he says things like "it's over". They lie.

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• Don't take back roads to save time. Always stay on the highway, or better still, endure the jam. The back roads are called short 'cuts' for a reason.
• Be extra nice to the weird/unpopular kid in school - they could be your only hope of survival. Worse case scenario: you're next on their to-kill list.
• If your friends wants to hang out in the cemetery, don't go.
• Don't succumb to peer pressure, even when they are passing around the bottle. Remember, say no to human blood.

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